I am thankful to be able to stay home with the kids. I know there are many who would love to stay at home, being with their children, spending more time with them and watching them grow up.
Being a stay home mother can be exhausting. A great friend of mine just told me yesterday, that my daily routine can be summed up in one word: INSANITY. To that, I laughed and yes, I do agree with her.
On a good day, I would be full of energy, tackling lots of stuff with the kids.
On a bad day, I had thoughts of running away and escape to a deserted island somewhere and not coming back!
But, ask me if I regret staying at home and if I would do it all over again if I were to relive my life, my answer would be, NO and YES!
No, I do not regret making the decision to stay at home 4.5 years ago.
Yes, if I were to relive my life, I would still choose to stay home with the kids!
Yet, as the demands of my routine creep up on me, I find myself drifting further and further away from the very purpose of me staying home in the first place.
These days I am getting so busy that although I’m at home physically, I am not present with my children. Most of the time, I would be in front of the computer, busy typing away, doing my work. If not, I would be in the kitchen, busy with cooking or washing.
I woke up this morning with a thought, “Why am I staying at home?”
Isn’t it to be with the kids during their formative years?
And I felt a tinge of sadness.
I felt bad pushing them away when they asked me to play. I had been saying no to Elly when she wanted me to read book after book before her bedtime. I had been telling Jay to go find things to play by himself, when he wanted me to play with him. I had been asking Zac to go find something useful to do instead of coming to interrupt me while I was trying to work.
This morning, I saw remnants of the kids’ toys left at different parts of the house.
They had been really wonderful, leaving me alone to rush out my work. Knowing that mommy was busy, they have learnt to find things to play by themselves. I am thankful to have such sensible kids.
But, I want to remind myself, that life is short.
My time as a SAHM is short.
Childhood is short.
I must remember the purpose of me staying at home. Of course, “me-time” is important. But after taking care of the “me-time”, I want to be PRESENT with my kids when they are still little.
There will come a day when they will no longer ask me to read to them or spend time with them.