Parenthood has a way of bringing the best and the worst out of you.
It is a journey much like a roller coaster ride… you can go up and down, sometimes without warning. And it is definitely not for the faint-hearted!
Having been in this ride for close to 11 years, I have had my fair share of triumph and failures, joy and tears.
At times when the kids act up, I morphed into this ugly monster, one that I did not know existed within me.
And when the wrath has passed, what’s left is usually a dark cloud of sadness and guilt.
“Don’t you realise the power of your words on your kids?”
“Why did I lose my cool with the kids?”
“Why couldn’t I stay calm and smile in the midst of their tantrums and ridiculous behaviours?”
“Why am I not a better mother?”
Why why why… and the tears flow. The heart is heavy. The willpower and resolve to be the best mom ever vanished into thin air.
Is it only me or have you experienced the same?
Don’t get me wrong. I love my kids and have never regretted becoming a mother. If I were to live my life all over again, I would still choose to be a mother. I am also clearly aware that motherhood is a privilege and there are some who yearns to be one but it remains an unfulfilled desire.
So I am grateful to have three lovely children. Grateful to be on this journey.
It is only during those times when I’m being driven up the walls or when I lose it, that I feel totally defeated.
And I wish I am a better mom. A more patient one. A more loving one.
When my head hits the pillow at night, I pray for one thing: That my kids will turn out fine despite all my parental shortcomings.
And when I awake the next morning, I try again, to be a better mom.